*pettyartist

Here's is where all the dear Abby letters will be posted!





4-30-2007

Dear Abby,

I was just going through your old lair and I happened across the most marvelous pair of satin boxers. These golden garments won't stop glowing... Anyway, I was just wondering if you wanted them. I was thinking of giving them to Stygia for target practice - I can only imagine the hell she'd put them through. A pile of shining scraps, I suspect. Alright, work calls, mortals to deal with, errant minions to chastise. Ta-ta!
Love and kisses, little brother!

Dimas

...........

Dimas,

I would rather prefer that you stay away from my home. Although I am currently not residing within its confines, that does not give you the right to root through my belongings. As for those...... boxors..... you mentioned.... please wash them and send them to me posthaste.

Abyss.
________________________________________ ______________________






4-30-2007

Dear Abby,

With all that glowy shufft have you ever posed as a nightlight?

yours,

Blinky

........

Dear Blinky,

I have in fact, used my glow as a way to find objects in the dark. Though it does not happen often, it is nice to have a way to find my house key when I lose it under furniture in my home, though my servant, Ziven, usually provides the light I use.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________




4-30-2007

Dear Abby,

Who does Spheira honestly and truely love? He is in too many relationships... Also, is Spheira considered a bishounen? Just wondering...

Your friend,
Slone

........

Dear Slone,

I cannot truly tell exactly who my reincarnation loves. It seems to be narrowed down to a few candidates, though I feel that certain influences are at work behind the number of relationships he has. If I had my choice, he wouldn't even exist. As for being "bishounen" as you call it...... he keeps his body the way he likes. If he looks like a girl, that is entirely his fault.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________



5-1-2007

Dear Abby,

Why the heck do I have such fruity hair?

Slone

............

Dear Slone,

Only the goddesses can answer that question, as I am not the one who determined your hair color. If you think it is so "fruity" you should go and buy some dyes and color your hair a single, solid color. A simple solution to an otherwise unchangeable problem.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________


5-1-2007

Dear Abby,

How'd a scumbucket like you get a paladin?

Sincerely, Hammy

PS-- if a scumbucket like you can get a paladin, how can we hook up our cantankerous little scamp with a nice respectable guy?

.........

Dear Hammy,

I would say it is fate that a being of my stature has been able to find so perfect a companion. As for your "cantankerous little scamp", I would suggest online dating, as that is technically how I was paired.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________


5-1-2007
Dear Abby,

Well first of nice name. But, nice and fitting as it is, that's not the point. The point is....
......... uh
......... well
.......

Know any nice, immortal people who I could meet, without making them look like pedophiles? Be nice to know.
Thank-You.

- Horo (3019 years old this month.)

........

Dear Horo,

Although there are not an unlimited supply of immortals out there, there are plenty that look like children. Take my brother, Dimas, for example. He is about the same height as a child and even acts like one most of the time.... a true example of immaturity that has been extended past the boundries of life than it should. In all seriousness, however, there are always the kokiri, the race you grew up with, correct? Although they cannot leave the forest, I am sure you can find a bride within the forest's limits.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-2-2007

Dear Apple,

What in the name of the great Farore on high were you thinking when you freakn' destroyed everything for power? I KNOW you knew the three were gonna smite the living daylights outta you some time or another. Not that I'd want another evil maniac sending the world straight to heck in a hand basket.

It'd take away all my business.

Anyway,
Lock the Red Shock.

P.S. Tell panty-face that he better ease up on the pranks or I'm sicking the lime on him.

.......

Dear Lock the Red Shock,

First of all, this section is dedicated to 'Dear Abby' letters, not 'Dear Apple' letters and I would not have even answered this due to that error you have made if it were not for the simple fact that I have been forced by the Creator to answer any and all questions that are written to me. On that note, the question is a completely valid one. When I originally sought power for myself I was only out to better my siblings as I was tired of being under their thumb for quite some time. My motives changed when Ziven arrived and I realized that the power I was gaining were slowly killing him. I knew that the "three", as you call them, would smite me but having to keep the balance of nature they are not able to fully destroy me-- in other words, reincarnation. I took my chances and caused some havoc to gain enough power to become a threat to the balance of light and darkness and my plan had worked. Had I not met Ziven I would have never gained enough power to become a threat to the Goddesses.... only enough to ovepower my siblings.
As for Spheira, I cannot control what he chooses to do for the most part... though I will try to tell him if I remember. If you DO happen to sick that grotesque little man in the green tights on my reincarnation I should have to make quick work of you, as his body is mine as well.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-2-2007

Dear Abby,

Hi, I wanted to ask you..
Who the hell do I have to eat to get pants that fit me???!!!1!

- Maruta

.......

Dear Maruta,

Try eating shadow goo for several years of your life. It quickly takes care of any extra pounds by vaporizing it effectively.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-2-2007

Dear Abyss,

I do believe, since technically it was my fault, and that of a miss Lock of Hyrule, but if I were to have said anything that day while the dark one and Spheira were engaged in battle, would you have appeared? Though you are a creature of evil , and I would rather not be speaking so casually like this with you, this question has been nagging at my for quite some time now. I can't help it if knowledge is my quest.

Proud Knight of the Hylian army,
Seth Marthis.

..........

Dear Seth Marthis,

I could see how you would be confused as this is a complicated matter that I would not expect a light dweller of your lifespan and brain capacity to understand so easily. You may not have known this but when I was reincarnated my soul was forced into a state of hibernation. I was unable to use any sort of my powers and was vaguely aware of my surroundings during this period of time. The first breach of my slumber was made when my reincarnation, Spheira, was attacked by moblins on his farm during the first year of Ganondorf's rise to power. His family, minus his sister, had been murdered by the creatures and he needed a way of escaping.... and he called unconciously to me, tapping my dark energy for the first time. After that moment, all of his training with "his" shadow powers allowed the bond on my seal to be realeased more and more every time he would use said powers. Eventually I was aware of my surroundings but I was still unable to communicate or be free from my confines. Even though I was able to wacth the situation you had mentioned, I would not have been able to possess the body I occupied. In fact... if Spheira would have continued using his powers so, I would not have been fully awakened until he had reached his thirtieth year or so. The only reason I awoke fully was because my servant was in danger and Spheira had gotten ahold of the pendant I had given Ziven. The latent powers inside of it allowed my premature awakening. Though I cannot leave the confines of his body, I am now able to fully control him at will. I hope I have not fried your insignificant brain with such a tale.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-2-2007

Dear Shikera,

My hips tend to Lie a lot.


What should I do?


Yours Truly,

The upper torso of Dagger

.......

Dear Upper Torso of Dagger,

I would suggest electrifying it with a lie detector.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-2-2007

Dear Abby,
What is the meaning of life?
Cyber

..........

Dear Cyber,

What is the meaning of death?

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________


5-4-2007

Dear Abby,

Hello sir. First I would like to say that you do terrify me quite a bit when you are around and it feels awkward to speak to you so casually even if it is by way of letter, but I will not forget manners and politeness even in this situation. I would also like to say thank you for telling me that Spheira had at least some feelings for me the first time I met you. On to my question: Where did you acquire that outfit? It is very elegant and tasteful! I would like something like that to wear on formal occasions when I will meet with Xanth.

Guardian in training,

Natane

P.S: You're sibling, Dimas, really....how should I say....weirds me out. Though, somehow, he looks rather huggable.

........

Dear Natane,

I make all of my own garments, belive it or not. I am particularly adept at making all type of garments, as tailoring is a hobby of mine. If you are looking for someone to make formal wear, you should either see myself or Spheira, as he has inherited some of my prowess in sewing. Furthermore I would like to apologize for Dimas, but I won't. Even after eons of living he is still as immature as the day he was created.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-5-2007

Dear Abby,

Didn't I tell you not to go outside without a sweater? What would your dear aunt Christina think if you were too sick to come over and have some cake? And straighten up when you walk! I didn't teach you to be a slouch! Oh, and what do you think about me making roast beef tomorrow night for dinner? You know your uncle Mike is coming over, and I don't want to make pancakes because you know he'll just end up slapping his face with them instead of eating them. Just don't threaten to tear off his limbs and devour his soul again, it just makes him talk in a Mexican accent.

Your caring and oh so strict mommy,
Melissa.

P.S. I want to have a long talk with that Quickstep boy. I won't allow any of that whoo-hooing in my house, uh-uh, no siree *finger wag* You don't want me to get the belt again, do you? *all powerful mom glare*

......

Dear Melissa,

I am afraid I shall continue to go without my sweater outside, continue to walk however I please and continue to thretaen Micheal until he acts his own age. I am also afraid that I will not be coming over for dinner, so you may serve whatever you wish whether or not it makes Micheal speak in a "Spanish" dialect. Also, it is of my own free will that I "whoo-hoo" with my servant and your belt no longer is a significant punishment.

Abyss

P.S.-- Tell Christina to send me her cake recepie.
________________________________________ ______________________

5-5-2007

Dear Abby,

Is there anyone besides Ziven who doesn't annoy you?

Devin

..........

Dear Devin,

There are many who do not annoy myself. For example, although he can be quite...... dense.... at times, my reincarnation, Spheira, does not bother me. The ones called Nane and Natane do not annoy myself as they are polite and retain the proper respect for a being of my stature. As long as they do not act as an infant, such as Dimas would, I am perfectly agreeable with them.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-6-07

Dear Abby,

Hey, shadow guy who lives in Wuss Boy's body! I've heard some stuff about you from the group, not very good things I might add. Well, it's not like a care to much. Anyway! You must feel honored to get a letter from me, but don't become to overwhelmed. I'm just a normal wind mage, well, only more awesome. To my question: What's it like knowing that the guy who you live in is such a total wuss? I wouldn't like it, that's for sure! He better stop calling me purple man, too....tell him I said that! Well, that's all I wanted to ask.

Oh, and don't bother Katiu anymore, or I WILL have to lay down the pain!

The guy more awesome than you,

Vaati the Wind Mage

........

Dear Vaati the Wind Mage,

I must first say that petty rumors spoken by certain members of the group you associate with do not affect me in the least. Also, I would suggest that you limit the ammount of time you use your wind magic as it seems to be inlflating your ego as well as your head. As for your question, it does not matter much to myself whether or not my reincarnation has the ability to defeat every opponent he encounters as I am able to take control if I feel the situation is too dangerous for our body to handle. However, alothough my reincarnation is limited by his mortal shell, I do not doubt that he has the ability to give yourself a thourough thrashing. Furthermore, if you should want him to stop calling you "purple man" you should invest in clothes of another shade or hue. As for the girl, I still have plans for her powers and I shall not be stopped by such a menial threat as yourself. Let this be a warning, "Oh great one".

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-7-07

Dear Abby...

Why in Din's name do you have your own journal column when I don't even have so much as a pithy two-sentence description?

.....

And why did you chose such a feeble and deceivingly feminine boy as your equivelant in this world of light? There are plenty others to choose from.

Xanthor

...................

Dear Xanthor,

The only reason why I own such a column is for the fact that the Creator has deemed it necessary to embarrass myself on every level imaginable, though I must say she is failing to succeed as I am not as easily flustered as my reincarnation. As for your second question, had I been given the option I may have chosen another, but the goddesses do not allow people like myself to chose. I was reborn as Spheira without any choice on the matter.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-7-07

"Dear Abyss,

There was a fan said you were still angry but I think they pulled that statue down... Oh but she's going to lead a legion's worth good morning, are you well? There's a blue meringue on the sill that the cat's hiding from the mouse again, although I sewed it back together for you those servants are unreliable enough to craft a little cannon somewhere by that funny Deku. Daron's 5th is signaling a plague just cleared the southern reach as far as you will for the bird's quite important- you weren't terribly upset because the earl's dying soon but not with an overbite because that was just a miscalculation on the angle of the ballistae. If those paladins continue moving the Picori wouldn't have let him out but there was such a pile of scraps and I wasn't sure what to do with that amulet..."

[[This continued on for a goodly while, so I've taken the liberty of weeding out the few coherent pieces for you.]]

(paraphrased) Sending you the repaired boxers that Stygia decimated, they're not good as new but she tried (and I took the feathers out of it, don't ask.) The chessboard was recently overturned(?) and she's concerned for your wellbeing. Also she expressed concern over 'orange.' Sends love and all that.

Oscuri
(scribed by Devin)

........

Dear Oscuri (or rather, reader),

Thank you for mending them for me, though as you said they are not.... quite the same. Do not fret about my health, as I am fine since I had enough luck to be reincarnated in a body that takes care of itself quite well. you should not be concerned about any "orange" as I have my own was of controlling it.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-9-07

My Dear Sweet Abyss,
Oh how I long to hold that body of yours in my hands my mouth to press down on those soft li---. (Ahem) What I really mean to ask is, how are you doing? And when might we go on a small adventure? Also, I do believe that you should let your little you, Spheira, have some life as well. Even if I am around, we can wait until later to talk, it’s not always sweet to interrupt his life. Not that you aren’t sweet.
On to my question. I was wondering, have you seen my old glow boxers?

I seem to have left them somewhere… But I cannot remember where….

Your hot, hot love,

Ziven

..........

My dearest Ziven,

Please disregard any red areas on this letter as my.... red ink.... has been recently overturned onto my desk and I have yet to located every one of the spots that remains on my desk. I am doing quite well, though it has been a bit troublesome keeping both my reincarnation and the shadow kin in line lately (The one called Dark nearly upset the balance last night, in fact.). As for an adventure.... I can think of a few places we might travel to. Regarding Spheira, it is not that I do not want him to experience life but, rather, for the fact that I have missed life without you. I do not mind allowing him freedom, but I would much prefer to be with you. Concerning your boxors, you had left them at my house the last time you were over, though I am afraid they are not in the..... best..... of conditions since a certain immature sibling of mine gave them to Stygia to play with. You can pick them up from my being the next time we meet.

Forever yours,
Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-9-07

Dear Abby,

What would happen if I throw Kokuei into a bull ring with a bull in it?

~ Kaisui >=3

...........

Dear Kaisui,

I would advise you dress him in red prior to the throwing to maximize blood spatter and entertainment levels.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-9-07

Dear Abby,

Is there any dang way to get back at Kaisui? He ALWAYS mangaes to avoid EVERY SINGLE prank and trap I set up! ANy ideas on HOW to get him?

Kokuei

PS: I saw The reply you gave to Kaisui. I'll be sharpening my blade upon your return. . . .

.............

Dear Kokuei,

If it is childish pranks you seek, I would suggest you talk to my brother, Dimas as he is more than sufficient at that particular aspect. If it is true revenge you seek, consult mideval torture books that can be found at your local library. As for your problem with myself, I await your challenge with my lance poised to skewer your body, mortal.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-10-07

Dear Abby,

I AM NOT A MORTAL YOU IDIOTIC SHADOW!!!

Kokuei

PS: Where's your brother again?

.............

Dear Kokuei,

I am sorry I overlooked that detail, though my challenge remains apt. As for Dimas, he will most likey find you.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-11-07

Dear Abby,

When? And Where you want me to challage you?

Kokuei

............

Dear Kokuei,

I am ready to end your life when you see fit.

Abyss

________________________________________ ______________________

5-12-07

Dear...Abby, was it?

I don't really know you...heck, I don't know you AT ALL, but from observing from the sidelines...or behind the counter...whatever, you seem like a pretty stoic kind of guy. So here's my question: Do you ever really go out and just have fun? Lock says you're all about "keeping your evil rep" but I think she's just exaggerating. I'm sure you have plenty of people who'd come by say, a bar, and pay good money for top quality liquor and entertainment. I need funds, man, expansions to be made, pubs to build, that sort of thing, and a small town place like Kakariko ain't cutting it.

The Kabariko Pub and Katiu Inn barkeep,
Taman.

..........

Dear Taman,

There are many activities I endulge in when I feel the need to "have fun". For instance, I will pull out a tome and read upon a facet of history that I may not hae explored earlier. I also enjoy playing upon and composing new songs for my flute. As for bars and alcohol, I do not indulge in that area much... and if I do, I conduct a very intensive examination on the premises, since I have had bad experiences at a certain paladin's bar. As for your lack of funds, why not emply a gimmick to raise awareness of your bar? Perhaps extending your advertising towards a larger city as say, Castle town?

Abyss

________________________________________ ______________________

5-12-07

Dear Abby *snerk*

Well, seeing as you're "sealed" at the moment, I'm going to take a vacation, maybe hang with your siblings, cause some chaos, that sort of thing. Now I don't like you, and you don't like me, the only thing that really keeps me around is the fact that we're on the same side...I think. Anyway, to get to it, Do you think, in an honest opinion, that I could one day replace Majora as the sort of chaos Zalmuna? I mean c'mon, you can gain power, so can I, right? Besides, I need to break my ties from that Tale. And that Dagger woman. Mortals aren't for me. I'm sure if I were a Zalmuna, I wouldn't have an issue with that.

Anyway, the leader of the Kin,
Dark.

.......

Dear Servant,

It may please you to know I was recently released from my seal. I do not believe you should "hang out" wth my siblings as they will be more than a bad influence for someone of your nature. Regarding your question, it is not just who is most powerful who is the top of our clan, though it is a major factor in the decision, for instance, my brother, Tenebran, is much more powerful than Majora ever was, but Majora was more suited as a leader for the clan's purposes. You, however much power you may gain, would not be an apt candidate to replace Majora. If I were to choose any shadow kin as a replacement.... it would most likely be the shadow called Lisat. He is much more respectable and responsible than you are.... not that there is much of a chance of him becoming Zalmunna either.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-12-07

Dear Abyss.

It seems that my former lord Dark has a few issues that deal with the way he handles his past and his emotions. You seem to have more emotion than I had first come to realize. I would have thought that one that was of the Zalmuna would not have such a heart as yours, and please do not take that into offense. What I must inquire of you is this, how has one with a reputation such as yourself come to accept the true nature of your heart? I am sure that Dark could learn much from you in this matter, seeing as he does not want to accept that he does indeed care for ones of the light world. I have not experienced such things, as I am still young compared to most of my kind, so I do not fully grasp such concepts.

Your humble servant,
Lisat

P.S. Though he may be a bit rude, selfish, and careless, other less seen members of our group are far worse than Dark, do not take it to heart what he may say or do. He has gone through much whereas I do not have a past to remember.

.....................

Dear Lisat,

I would have to say that it was Ziven who ultimately changed my heart. I had not trusted him at first.... but after a while I began to open up more and more. Dark has merely experienced this same situation, but in a more direct and hasty approach. He may brood for a time, but he will eventually become at peace with his emotions. As for your P.S., It would behoove him to act appropriately around me, as even though he may not be the most vile of your lot, that allows him no excuse to act as he does.

Abyss

________________________________________ ______________________

5-13-07

Dear Abby,

It has come to my attention that since I replicated some of your power I no longer like Ice Cream. This must be your fault! I used to love all the different flavours I could have chosen, yet now I'm left holding an empty cone with only one word coming to mind... 'dammit'. You shall surely pay for this with your life. Although it won't really matter when I destroy all!

- Atra

.................

Dear Atra,

I cannot fathom why you have begun to dispise ice-cream as I thouroughly enjoy it myself.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-15-07

Dear Abby... funny name ABBY!

Yo 're pret y lucky you k ow? Just beca se of t at kid, if it w sn't fo him I wood kill you on the spot. For I h ve the Siderian knife sword thingy, the stuff of leg end. Well... if you belief in that kind of t ing. An ways, I've he rd mirror mans still on the live wire. Good luck with tha-

O-mega teh brave! Wait no...

Omega

P.S. I'm not doddess gamn drunk.

............

Dear Omega,

I was not named "Abby". It is merely a cruel title bestowed upon me by the Creator. As for your question, or lack thereof, though I may have chosen my mortal form it does have many drawbacks such as the short lifespan and the lack of flexbility (which I had an abundance of when I was in my previous form). As for the leech, yes he is still at large although I was quite sure I had beheaded him. No matter, I will dispose of him eventually.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-17-07

Dear Abby,

If you had a brain, What would you do with it?

Love you,
Your empty head

.........

Dear My "Empty Head",

As you do not exist I shall take this as a hypothetical question. If I were to, hypothetically speaking, suddenly obtain a brain to occupy the hypothetically empty space in my head, I would finally be rid of you, would I not?

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-21-07


(MR POSTMAN APOLOGISES, HE DIDN'T GET THIS UNTIL JUST NOW BUT IT's DATED.... 5,000 YEARS AGO... HOLY SHAT-NAT!)

Lord Abyss,
I cannot stop thinking of our next meeting on the bridge. The way your body arches to my touch as it is smothered with kisses is oddly blissful. I desire to hear you scream my name again, in the same passionate way you did at our last meeting, with my hands wrapped up in that golden hair of yours while my lips meet in a passionate fire, up and down your chest. I love the feeling of your heated body beneath and on top of mine. Lets create that friction soon, how does next week sound?

I Love you,
Lord Ziven

.....................

Dear Ziven,

I apologize for my... terrible pensmanship as my hand cannot seem to stop shaking.... I also apologize for the ammount of red.... ink.... that has spilled on this letter. I am.... deeply saddened that I recieved this letter five-thousand years after its original postmarked date..... but I believe my calendar is still open for this week.

Love,
Abyss

________________________________________ ______________________

5-28-07

Dear Abby,
I can't help it. I'm a seventeen-year-old girl, and I'm completely head over heels for another girl. It all started with me healing her a while back, and then we broke into the wine... Now I love her, but she has repeatedly told me that she does not return my affections. She's said before, though, that there might be hope, but she hasn't even done anything affectionate towards me other than what another friend might do to me. Please tell me what to do!!
Waiting anxiously,
Hopelessly In Love

.................

Dear Hopelessly In Love,

I would wager the wine has led you to believe a feeling that is not mutual. My advice is to let her go and find someone to fill the space in your hear that she obviously does not want to fill for you.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-28-07

Dear Abby,
Do you love me? X3 'Cause you're one sexy hunk of man-beast.
Much amounts of love,
I Want Your Babies

........................

Dear "I Want Your Babies",

I love one being, and one being alone.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-28-07

Dear Abby,
Do you know why our creators Pettyartist and L-CTG are so insane? L-CTG hasn't even given me a proper name, and look what Petty's done to you so far!!
I want love. I'm so alone.
Sinking into a dark you of stabbing and wanting tacos,
Man

....................

Dear Man,

Obviously you cannot even give yourself a proper name. Overlooking this issue, I shall state that she has not done much for I have a mind that is quite my own. She has only given me form, she cannot control the way I act. As for your lack of love, one of yor friends seem to be wanting a companion.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-28-07

Dear Abby,
Goooooo... jkgffxsjdh;kgjfhngbn d ngn mhnjg.
Crying hopelessly and needing a dipey change,
Rain
(Intro and Closing Typed By L-CTG)

................

Dear Rain,

I am not a babysitter.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-28-07

Dear Abby,
You have such a lame and common pename. Ha, not like mine's any better. RG? L-CTG is soooo lazy. (Note: I AM NOT) Are too (Note: AM NOOOOOOOTT!!) Whatever. We have a bunch of crazy creators. Srsly.
Wanna split some cactus wine later? I'm open all week.
Sincerely yours,
Really Gagging

...............

Dear Really Gagging,

I agree, our creators can be quite.... cumbersome. But I digress. I am not particularly find of cactus wine, however I may arrive and try some one of these days.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-28-07

Dear Abby,
MY CHARACTERS HATE ME TT_TT Any advice?
Wating for your response,
The Ruler of Strawberries

P.S. (From Man) Hey!! You mentioned me!

......................

Dear Ruler of Strawberries,

I would suggest therapy and counseling. It can bridge communicational and emotional gaps.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

5-29-07

Dear...Abby *snerk*

I do believe it is quite fun to hear what your name has turned into. Very fun indeed. Seeing as it is now forbidden for me to utterly destroy you, as you are a member of the mortal world, I though I'd rather pester you with irrelevant things.

One, who are you to shout at me? Do not forget, though I shall not destroy you, you should be surprised what even mortals can live thorough >:3

Two, what has happened to your stature? You have become....quite small since last I roamed the planet. *snerk*

And lastly, though not a question, I believe I shall linger for a while, see if there is any possible way to restore what the paladins have unraveled They have fallen so far.......

I indeed must ADMITEDLY give you and your kind credit for keeping what little is left of the balance. Though you yourself nearly unraveled much in your conquest to be mortal...>_>

Almighty and powerful,
Kiri, keeper of the law

....................

Dear Kiri,

Although you may try to "pester me with irrelevant things" you cannot compare to the sheer annoyance that is my older brother. In regards to your first question, by interfering with the life of a mortal you will have automatically broken the code for which you follow so strictly. Even if you were to find a way around your precious code you would find I am not as helpless as you possibly think I am. As per your second inquiry, you obviously do not know much about the realm of mortals to have realized that there are periods of growth they must endure. Perhaps if your brain could hold more knowledge than that which you are obvioulsy capable of, you would have known this detail and have made the conjecture that my body has only gone through fifteen cycles of this earth and that is why I am not as tall as I once was. Finally, I must say that it seems ironic that the Zalmunna, often affiliated with chaos and darkness, has managed to stay intact for the most part while the Siderians seem to have, as you have said, fallen. I shall not apologize for what "unraveling" I have done, because I feel it was right.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________

6-2-07

Dear Abby

WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG FOR PRETTY TO FINSH THE NEXT PAGE!!!!!!

~Ever so impaiteint JennieO

.....................

Dear JennieO,

The reason why it is taking her so long is because she has had a series of scholarships and school programs she has had to complete on strict deadlines. Now that she has oficially graduated from her secondary education, she will have plenty of leisure time to finish the comic you desire to read so much. I hope this has helped to explain any confusion surrounding your thoughts.

Abyss

________________________________________ ______________________

6-8-07

Dear... Abby? WTF?!

Heh, anyway let's move on shall we? I would like to complain about the ammount of my kind that is disappearing daily. I believe this is due to the number of crazed and stupid adventurers out there who can't seem to STAY ALIVE!!! Sorry, it's just I don't know what there doing with my friends. Please hear my story of woe. Between my travels with my master, no wait, that guy I hang with, so called Omega (or baka if you ask me), I frequently return home to visit my family. When I do I hear the horrible tales of 'normals' trapping the people I used to know and love inside tiny glass bottles with no means of escape, then taking them away, and for some reason thever never hear from them again. These 'normals' apparently use them for their own devices, like eating them or taking their energy! Is this true?! I've adressed many of the great fairies with this yet they tell me it's not a problem. HOW CAN IT NOT BE A PROBLEM?! I'm still waiting for a response from our Queen, but if you ask me I think she's a stuck up b*tch anyway. Anywho I believe it's these 'normals' gross mis-use of us fairy folk that's extremely damaging our population. Can you help with this matter? Or at least tell me what's going on? As usual Omi knows nothing... so please help... OR I WILL CRUSH YOU!!! Sorry... help.

Eternally greatful,
- Mia (The red fairy)

...........

Dear Mia,

Yes, the rumors you have heard are quite true. Light dwellers have a tendency to bottle creatures such as yourself for purposes of their own. I have heard that they trap your kind in glass containers for healing purposes, though I do not think they actually consume fairies to do so. I believe they crush them into a fine dust and sprinkle it over themselves, though they would get the same effect from merely asking said fairy to heal them. They are also incredibly nonchalant about the process, as when I inquired Spheira on the matter he talked with an air of overall normalcy, not really enthralled by the subject and even changing the topic due to "boredom". If you are further disturbed by this matter, I would suggest taking it to someone other than the Queen of your kind as she..... tends to neglect her duties often.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________




7-2-2007

Dear Abby,

Hello dear. Are you well? I am doing rather well myself, though I'm having trouble with relationships of the romantic kind....I cannot seem to find the right immortal being for me...-sigh-....anyway, I must say, though I do have to distance myself from you, I do rather enjoy your company when you are around since you are a very respectable individual and do not seem to enjoy lashing out verbally or physically at others, as some of the other shadows may, and you posses a great amount of intelligence. I require some advice from you, if you would be so kind as to offer some. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can become on good terms with my son again? I do love him so still and I wish to rekindle our relationship as it was those many years ago. Oh, I do wish he would not be so stubborn! That is all I wanted to ask. Send my best to dear Quickstep when you next meet him, if it will not be to much trouble. And how is Spheira dear doing? Thank you for your time.

Caretaker of the planet,

Tale

...........

Dear Tale,

I am doing fine as well, though I cannot be around as often due to unforseen circumstances. Do not fret about your love life, it took several eons before Ziven and myself were able to finally be together, I am sure you will find the one you will love for eternity someday. I am also glad that you consider myself to be good company. I much rather enjoy the chats we have between ourselves as well, as many of Spheira's companions do not make for good conversation usually. As for your son, I have found that he tends to distance himself from his true feelings rather than let them show. I would work slowly to improve your relationship with him, he has not seen you in many years and I am sure that the way he is acting is his way of putting your well-being before his own intrests. He tends to be rather naive in that sense. I shall give my regards to Ziven when I am able to see him once more, and Spheira is doing alright. He is a little worried about our current situation, but if all goes as planned we will wost likely be able to rejoin everyone within a month.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________




7-11-2007

deer abby-

i was able t find a box of crawyons the odder day an i stol this papr from th skoll i are profferatin at to sey hlo and c whut yu ar doin now LOL.
i fund a box of kiten teh odder day two LOL. de ar soooooooo kute dey remin me of u because both u and dey haf de glowy eye and smell like poo nah just keddin yu.
i ame de beg un abiss aftr yu i hop yu dont mind. )))))))))

OMG HOW IS TEH STRAPIN DUCH BOY I HEVNT HERD FRUM HIM EN SOOOOO LUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am drewin piktur of u right now. lol u now got bewebs.

oh yeh dont drink de yelu jooce it is bitr

ok i haf 2 go now. you b cool now and rememmer teh ways of luv dat i taut yu

cincerly
profeser sruc

................

Dear Profeesor Sruc,

I am a loss of what to say to this poorly-spelt, badly penned abomination that you have decided to classify as a letter. If I had not been forced by my creator to answer any and all messages that manage to make it to my person, there would not have been a reply to your babbling.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________




7-11-2007

Dear Abyss,


Hello there, I have noticed one thing about you; and that is that you have taken something that I want. I will make sure to keep him away from you even after you return, you swine.

Stay away for a very long time; you are not wanted. We are happy together without you. And you should know, Dahy's lips are still quite soft.


Leonardo Degas

............

Leonardo,

Keep your vile, disgusting, wretched hands off of him. You may have a form that resembles that of mine currently, but that does NOT in any way give you license to steal that which I hold dear in my absence. I swear, if you do not stay away from him, your head shall adorn my mantle and your body will be left to the maggots, the only living beings on the planet that you can truly call your equals.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________




7-13-2007

Abyss

I shall continue to keep my lust filled hands all over his body feeling the arches of his back and watching the smile on his face as I whisper words he wants to hear.

It would seem that the one you love so much may not be to pleased if I am indeed to become your new mantel piece. So let us find out just how well that would go down with him. I laugh at all thoughts that you think you can steal him out of my grasp.

Leonardo

........................

Leonardo,

I shall allow you to believe what twisted fantasies you have concocted for yourself that has allowed you to think that Ziven could ever love you more than I. When I escape from this hellhole of a prison, I swear.... every touch you give, every look you make, I shall cut into your flesh. You shall desire that the goddesses had not created your being, and you shall long for the death that I shall postpone for as long as possible, so as to maximize the length of the torture you shall receive from my blade.
You shall not have him.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






7-15-2007

Dear Abby

I'm looking for a job. Could you give me some ideas on what's on the market or jobs that wouldn't be too boring?

Karny

....................

Dear Karny,

I cannot determine what you would find interesting or not but I shall give you my honest opinion on the matter. I will say that you should not search for a job like mine as working with your siblings is very... stressful. As one of the caretakers of shadow, I must say my job is rather interesting but I am quite glad that I am not currently responsible for my part of our job any longer. If you are in need of something interesting, search the classified section of the paper packet you call a "newspaper" or try using the internet as it seems to be equally, if not more, efficient.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






7-21-2007

Dear Abby,

I'm stuck in a dungeon right now. D:

And I'm hearing weird voices too. D: Does.. Does that mean I'm insane?

Like seeing the sky through the ceiling? Does it? *It's all fuzzy, but no one else can see it so..*

Please tell me I'm not loosing it! D:

- Confused MP victim, Nane

P.S. And is it possible to dig my way out of here with a leaf? D:

...................

Dear Nane,

Hearing voices in our realm does not necessarily mean one is insane, especially if you are functional enough to question your sanity. If you believe you are insane, the chances of you actually being so is nil. As for your P.S., I believe the chances of digging through a floor with a leaf are as great as your chance of questionable insanity.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






7-29-2007

Dear Abby:

GIRLY ARMS.

Love,
Koh

................

Dear Koh,

That was most certainatly a comment from the level of maturity I expected from your race.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






7-29-2007

Dear...Abby, was it?

Uh, yes, sir, you do not know who I am, or at least I do not know who you are exactly, but um, see, I have lived with my dear mother for all of my life and recently was taken from her. Now I am in the care of my father and his army of shadows, but I have found one in particular to be quite....how should I put this....interesting. He is my sister's subordinate, and he is quite a nice man if one were to look past the fact that he takes things so very seriously. But...what I am trying to say is......why is it that I feel someone....attatched to this man in a way even though he clearly only treats me the way he does only under orders. I have not met a man as kind as he, still, seeing as the only man I have ever come aquainted with previously was my own manipulative evil overlord of a father. But this man seems to enjoy the company of my sister much more, I might add. Please, what should I do?

The son of Dagger,
Rath.

P.S. Who ARE you anyway?

...........

Dear Rath,

It seems we are both in the dark, so to speak, when it comes to each other's identities. Nevertheless, my advice to you is to allow yourself to grow closer to this individual. It is obvious that your father is severely lacking in his sense of duty towards you and I, having a family of my own who I would rather not be associated with, know how important it is to have a being in your life that you can truely call your own. As for the conflict with his affections turning more towards your sister you must be cautious so as not to seem like you are trying to dominate over her, but instead to casually express your feelings for this person you admire so much. Over time they will see the light and realize that it is you that has been so kind to them.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






7-31-2007

Dear Abby,

LOL.

XOXO,
Koh

........................

-The reply to this letter seems to be the actual letter crumpled up in a ball-
________________________________________ ______________________






8-9-2007

Dear Abby,

It's me again... ....

With a question uh... Is it okay to have a crush on some one who died?
Not.. saying I do but... theoretically I mean...
.....
<__<;;

- Immortal bachelor.

P.S. *This handwriting is different... * HORO HAS A CRUSH ON A POE! HORO HAS A CRUSH ON- *the writing cuts off and is replaced with multiple attempts to scratch out the P.S. X3*

..........................

Dear "Immortal Bachelor" or, as I can deduce from the P.S., Horo,

It is quite honestly not up to myself to decide what your preference in attraction is, though I must state that a love of someone who has been dead prior to your attraction will not bring satisfaction to you in the long run.

Abyss

P.S. I would suggest finding a private area to write your letters next time as it seems you had some disruptions writing it.
________________________________________ ______________________






8-9-2007

Dear Abby,
I think that your glowy marks really up your sex appeal. :3

Yours truely,
Figgy

PS: YOU STILL OWE ME 90 RUPEES. D:
PPS: Or maybe that was Dark who owes me that money...
PPPS: Will you take me as your lover??

...................

Dear Figgy,

Thank you, Ziven tells me so every day. As for your rupee dilemma I would say it was Dark who owes you money as I do not normally carry it with me. I will also have to state that although I am sure you are a decent person, I cannot take you as my lover seeing as I, for one, do not know who you are and, for two, I already have someone whom I love passionately.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-29-2007

Dear Abby-kins~,

O-ho dear! Orell can't believe she didn't find this before! Now she can show her love for you in written form~ Where have you been Abby dear?! Orell has missed seeing you! I'm sure Dimas has missed you also. Orell would love it so if you would play a game with her one day, yes yes! A little game in the Lost Woods~ You hide, and Orell will come find you~ Oh, Orell and you will have such fun when Orell finds you dear, a lot of fun....Oh, but what was Orell going to ask?....Oh yes! Do you think there is a way of Orell getting her beloved and sexy Majora back??? OH, Orell just wants to see him and touch him and play games with him again! Orell misses him so much~! Dimas is a good playmate for Orell of course, but no one is as good as her Majora~! Orell also wants to know how that tasty looking boy who you use as a body is doing~ She hopes he is quite healthy. Orell would hate for him to be tired out and weak the next time she and him meet~ Well, that's all Orell wanted to ask! Tell Dimas hello for her, would you dear?

With much, MUCH, love,

Orell~

...................

Dear Orell,

I am quite.... sorry to say that I cannot join you in your marrymaking. Games are not how I preferably spend my time, specifically your brand of games. About Majora, I highly doubt there is a way he could come back from the dead, since he was killed to restore balance to the land. The only possible way to revive his body wold be if the Great Deity deemed it necessary. Concerning Spheira, he is quite well, I make sure of that. Hopefully he and I shall not cross paths with you before our lifespan is over. If I happen to see Dimas, goddess forbid, then I shall pass your greetings.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-29-2007
Dear Abby,

You have a girls name...or is that a nickname? Hmmm....you look like a girl anyway. A very evil and manipulative girl.

But aside from that, you don't know me, I don't know you, not only that but I don't really want to know you because you're weird. Anyway, my name's Wren, I'm a Scrunch, and I know some of the fairies in your area, and from what I heard form you, I just want to know one thing...

How can I get my cousin Lark to be able to stand up better for himself and others? If anything, all the fairies said you were like evil but stood up for things you believed in, and Lark, even though he's still young, is kind of a coward. We're small, I know, but he needs to stop being a wuss. So, can ya help?

Thanks.

The lady's man of the Scrunches,
Wren.

.................

Dear Wren,

The name used for these teadiously annoying letters is a cruel joke placed upon me by my Creator. On the note of my appearance I should say that if you judge my visage to be similar to that of a woman then you should invest in a pair of spectacles to enhance your vision as you are in obvious need of them. Concerning the matter of your cousin, perhaps you should send him on a sort of quest to add to his morale. If he should complete said quest he should feel more inclined to defend himself when the time comes. Or perhaps he will fail and remain in his state of emotional fragility all his life, I surely cannot say.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-29-2007

Dear Abby,

..... PLEASE. *0*

- You know already...

(Theres a second note slipped in here.. o_O)

Dear Abby

As you can see from up there he's kinda desperate....
......
And.. Shouldn't Syba be the one to decide anyways!?!?
- Hammah girl. (Or Nane... Whatever works I guess. >.< )

....................

Dear Horo,

No.

Abyss

............

Dear Nane,

I do not care if he is desperate. The answer is still no. On the matter of whethere Syba should choose, I would rather she not have this choice in this case.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-29-2007

Dear Abby,

I am currently having a small dilemma. My BF is pushing me to go for a homerun, but I don't really want to. I am extremely content with third base, thank you very much. I don't want to hurt his feelings but at the same time I want him to respect my decision. I really am not sure what to do...I love him very much and don't want to end the relationship because of this. But if I don't figure something out soon I think it may just come to that. Please offer any advice that you think may be helpful.

Sincerely yours,
Content with third base!

..............

Dear Content with third base,

It is perfectly natural to want to wait for such activities, especially in a fairly-new relationship. I would suggest that you do not heasitate to express your opinion to him. If he truly loves you, he shall respect your decision and continue to remain by your side. If it should so happen that he becomes upset at your ideals I would suggest you be rid of him as fast as is convenient. A relationship where two beings cannot understand or respect their companion's morals is an unhealthy relationship.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-30-2007

Dear Abyss,

I have Ziven.

If you want to see him alive, you'd have the best interests to start destroying the lights again.

...................

It would be in YOUR best interests to divulge his whereabouts. I swear, if he is harmed I shall discover your identity and kill you myself.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-30-2007

Dear Abyss,

I should tell you, by the three strands of hair in this letter, that he most certainly will not be well, and oh, how I doubt you will find me. If not innocent blood is shed in seven days, I will send you a vial of Zivens. Or maybe, a bag of tears would be of a greater pleasure?

.....................

........you have bested me this once...... I shall comply with your terms on the condition that you will release him when I complete your instructions.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-30-2007

Dear Abyss,

Oh, release him? Would you not simply have him live? I suppose I shall agree to your terms, but bring me 1000 heads of innocent and you shall have him released from me. And make sure that each and every soul has come in contact with Ziven at least once, or else you shall not have him back ever. Oh, what's this? It seems he's began to sob. Maybe I should send you some of these gifts as well.

Two Weeks - Or he Dies

..............

Again, I shall comply with your terms.... but if you kill him....... I will not cease to stop searching for your being so that I may rip it apart.

Abyss
________________________________________ ______________________






9-30-2007

Dear Abyss,
What makes you think you can find me? Do you not even [it seems there is a streak of red "ink" here] recognize your own lovers penmanship? You have not a lead.

Kill them All.

..............

What makes you believe I cannot find you?
It shall be done.
________________________________________ ______________________






9-30-2007

Abyss

You can meld throw shadow,

But how can you enter into light?

This is frustrating.

[there is a small thimble attached. It is full of a clear gold fluid]

Interesting, Paladins don't bleed the same color.

...........

(there is no response)
________________________________________ ______________________






10-1-2007

Dear Abby.

Long time no see, eh? Hehehe, can you guess who this is before you get to the end? Probably not, you weren't very good at reading somepone's handwriting. Oh, but how I do miss playing games with you and the others. Things for some strange reason have been changing, and I found myself back in the mortal world, free of the mask.

Oops, I gave it away. Darn, well whatever, I'll be seeing you soon, brother. Somehow I think you have something to do with these recent happenings. Tell Dimas I'm back, and ready for a game of "Shark in Hyrule" anytime he is.

Your ever so loving brother,
Majora.

..............

Dear Majora,

However unfortunate your return is upon myself, I am.... quite sad to say that I have no time to respond to you. If I see Dimas in the future, again-- Goddess forbid, I shall tell him you are about.

Abyss


----------------------------------------------
To send your own Dear Abby letter, just note me with "Dear Abby" in the title!~
Feel free to send as many as you like!
Abyss needs a new hobby. :3